f e e l .

Its windy.
and i got wet today.
in the rain.
winter rain.
and i smiled.
maybe this time next year, i'll be too far away to enjoy it.
this time next year, i might be in my dorm thinking about the life i have left behind.
its funny how something as significant as rainfall can make you think of so many things.
make you feel things which you never thought you could feel.

my friends are not like me.
they are different.
or i am different.
i didnt think i would miss being with them, though.
but i found myself buying diaries today.
those diaries which your friends fill before you pass out of school.

i felt like celebrating life today.
i tried to study.
but my mind wandered a bit too much.
into space.
i wanted to savour every moment i have left here.
with the people around me.
i sketched.
i wrote.
and i still am writing.
i dont know why.
neither do i know about what.
i do this when my head feels too heavy.
when i need to talk to someone but cant quite put forth a coherent speech.

winamp is on.

At times life's unfair and you know it's plain to see
Hey God I know I'm just a dot in this world
Have you forgot about me?
Whatever life brings
I've been through everything
And now I'm on my knees again

But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way

i realise that i am a part of the greater picture.
not the wall hidden behind it.

b u l l s h i t .

for once, i wish i was not born.
[[cut out the once part.]]
its so frigging pissing off that its not even funny.
all of it.
my head is bobbing with too much of everything.
why oh! why do things have to be this way?
why oh! why cant things be okay and everything like that for some time?
things are not even in the viscinity of okay and everything like that.


bandhs.
i dont like them.
they keep me away from school.
they make me feel ashamed.
ashamed of the fact that i like in a state which is governed by people who are too busy thinking about themselves to think about everyone else.
too busy trying to cripple everyone with their power to try and aid the crippled.
too busy thinking that whatever they are doing is right to actually do what is right.
kill.
shed blood.
thats what generation y is going to learn.
that is what generation y is already learning.
and there is no one, not ONE single person, trying to protest.
they say that the biggest crime is to support a crime.
this state is full of criminals then.
not one honest person.
everyone is too busy in the spotlight.
trying to make the headlines.
trying to be CM.
why on earth cant anyone let people be?
why on earth cant anyone let people decide for themselves.
now everyone else knows why i want to leave, run away, scoot from this place!




then there is pakistan.
that musharraf dude gets on my nerves more than anyone else.
bloody dictator scum.
i couldnt care two pence about him and neither could anyone else.
but there he is, acting like a stupid leech, trying to suck blood and life out of everything that stands for truth and honesty.
this also reminds me of darfur.
and i know that you dont know anything about darfur.
and i cant ramble about it now.

and i know that i'll be hunted down and shot by everyone for writing all of this, but i couldnt care.
coz i know that everyfuckingone feels like this and its just nobody says anything.
bleh.
its their problem.
not mine.
i am the world's tomorrow and i will stand by what i think is right.
kill me for doing so if you have to!



now to my miserable life.

one and a half months of school left.
and i dont know WHY i am not liking the feeling.
its not even fair.
my friends....best left unsaid.
the school is unbearable.
i dont like the new order, no.
it makes me feel that i am studying in a business house which is only concerned about three things: money, money and money.
no kidding.
but still i feel weird.
for the "good ol' times".
for ship.
for mandra ma'am.
for the school corridors and walls.
for the music room(which has been broken down).
for the fests(zombie!?! har har).
for the stolen lunchboxes.*sigh*


and i am filled with that absolute dread that i wont get into anywhere.
i'll just end up studying in some shyamsundari type college for the rest of my bloody life.
bye bye america.

and if i go, i need to give of loads of my things i guess.but dont get your hopes up high.
i am NEITHER giving my ibanez NOR monkey man to anyone.
have fun, yes.


lucky mom.
lucky dad.


and i still feel weird.
and isolated.and alone.
and i dont know why.
okay, maybe not alone.
i realised that i like myself alot.
and i gove myself good company.



I H A V E P R O J E C T S T O D O ! ! !
yes, i have rehearsals in jan.
and deadlines to meet too.
keep laughing.its good for your health.


and i have stopped posting poetry and writing and all of that shit because its just an extremely large pile of bullshit.